“More than 30 per cent of Emirati marriages in Dubai this year were to foreigners” – according to Dubai Statistics CentreThe Grand Mufti ( an Islamic scholar who has the authority to issue legal opinions known as fatawa about fine points of Islamic law. The role of muftis in modern society varies, with Muslim governments typically having an officially appointed mufti who assists the government, while in other areas muftis are far less powerful, although they are still an extremely important community resource for Muslims.) Dr Ahmed al Haddad of Dubai has called for restrictions on Emiratis marrying outside their nationality and described it as a “negative trend”. It’s negative because as he says mixed marriages are more likely to end in divorce and their children are more likely to commit crimes. Ok, I agree that the number of divorce is increasing especially amongst mixed marriages but we still can’t generalize. There are alot of phenomenons and alot of different situations. For Emirati women it is already not allowed to marry foreign men, nor are they able to give Emirati citizenship to their children if the father is a foreigner. Emirati men on the other hand can marry foreign women and they can give citizenship both to their wives and children. Maybe its time to demand stricter rules on men marrying foreign women, and highlight the phenomenon and shed light on its negative aspects on both the Emirati and the foreign wife.
“In Islam, choosing your life partner is a personal freedom”I agree to the points raised by Dr. AlHadad but restrictions is unnecessary. Our religion didn’t restrict that, why would we? It is against the basic teachings of Islam and modern science. What we need is awareness.
“There are many mixed marriages that are successful and have played a positive role in our society.” – Lt Gen Dahi Khalfan Tamim, the chief of Dubai PoliceAnd that is true, we can’t generalize and force. No one knows what happens inside every house but as we highlighted earlier there are different phenomenons and instead of forcing and restricting we should teach and aware our youth. In addition, as we have been hearing always now the social experts have attributed the escalating trend to the large dowries demanded by Emirati women – as much as Dh800,000 – and to high wedding ceremony expenses that have reached Dh1 million. Hmmm is there no other thing to blame this on? Remember the articles and discussions earlier which were discussed few months ago “Emirati men shun women who study abroad” Here is another phenomenon which requires awareness too. Maybe if some of the “open-minds” which are used when marrying a non Emirati woman can be used with Emirati women too, instead of creating a rara avis situation!
Reports that Emirati women, who now tend to be better educated than their male peers, are also looking abroad for husbands, officials say the trend is leading to a rise in the number of spinsters.The large dowries and wedding ceremonies in five-star hotels is not a priority to many Emirati women these days. (Wait Wait hold your horses, I said some not all some ..) So this excuse to me is an over used old one, find a better one people!! Wrapping it all, alot of phenomenons, alot of pointing fingers, alot of assumptions and generalizing. Restricting and forcing is not a way to handle or solve this “negative trend” as described. Teach, aware, and highlight this is the best solution. While am at it I want to thank The Judicial Department of Abu Dhbai for its awareness ADs during Ramadan. We need more of it.
What is your say?
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Hello,
As an Emirati citizen of a “mixed background” I am often offended by the way “mix marriages” are protrayed by media.
Also, I am surprised by the number of people who think it is a genius idea to address any social issue just by simply restricting personal freedoms.
We live in a globalized world. If you restrict my freedom in this small geographical area of the world, I still have the rest of the world to do whatever I want.
Before criticizing Emiratis who marry foreign women, people need to put themselves in our shoes for a day!
1. It costs a fortune to marry an Emirati girl.
2. And where does this money go? to a girl we are not supposed to know or see or connect with, before marriage! ????? ????? ????
3. Let’s be honest here: Most Emirati girls -and guys- are materialistic. Some guys are sick of this, and I am one of them. I don’t want my kids to be materialistic.
4. With the multiple (cultural\tribal\ethnic\economic) divisions among Emirati families, and with our small Emirati population + funny demographics of this small Emirati population, because of all of these factors, when it comes down to marriage, an Emirati guy literally has a pool of less than 50 girls to choose from. lol
Why should I restrict myself by all of this? and even worse, why should I let someone else restrict my choices in life? and for what? for a hypocrite talk about Emirati heritage and culture? a heritage that we talk a lot about, but do not truly embrace!
People think that Emiratis who are born to a mix marriage are failures. Well, I dont know,….but when I look at my “pure” emirati friends and I don’t see any thing great about their lives and careers -many of them dropped out of junior high school and nevr did anything meaningful after that- I wonder where did this idea come from?
You can disagree with all of what I have just said, but please don’t mess up with my personal freedom to marry whoever I want, or to do whatever I want with my life.
A.A.A.
Emirati in Melbourne, Australia.
I think there is no right and wrong in such “trends” as some experts have been saying. Divorce is a fact of life that happens among any couple who may just not be right for each other, and not just within mixed marriages, but also within same-nationality marriages.
I agree that not ALL emiratis are spoiled brats and will ask for large dowries, it just have become a “norm” in our minds that when we speak of such a situation as if it is fact, and not a case-to-case basis.
While reading Gulf News the other day on the same story, it seems that those speakers have a plan in check to curb such marriages, by forbidding or not allowing any Emirati man to marry a non-emirati women based on age and nationality. I was truly shocked reading that. I think it’s absurd as Islam has taught that men can marry someone with a religion, while women can only marry muslim men – REGARDLESS of nationality.
The problem truly relies within culture more than anything and the way people – perhaps the way older generation thinks about such things. Marrying a foriegner is more or less similar to “must” marry within family to keep the name in check and safe, the image and yada yada as it did just few years ago.
I understand from experience there are emiratis [SOME] who have a foreign mother suffer with language more than anything, and language is very important as it connects to culture, roots, and so on. Such statistics do not exist yet, maybe small studies…but not in a database that is detailed. But then again stats are only just that, STATS. numbers. They really don’t tell anything than a mere simple fact in which have too many sides to it.
There is too much argue, but bottom line no one has the right to tell who a person should marry and why. In the end of the way, I believe we’re individuals on our own and we should mind our own business. Rest my case.
The only problem here is that we lack the voice of people in general as opposed to officials.
I am also from a mixed background, and I agree with most of the article. Of all my mixed marriage friends I am the only one who has never been in jail. Its sad but true. Many social and mental issues arise when your mother is from somewhere else.
I also dont agree that if non emiratis are married to an emirati man that she should get citizenship. Although SOME mixed families have dove very well, most end of not knowing where they are from or where they are going, and as traditionally the man is out all day making a living, you leave the upbringing of your children to someone not versed in our culture. It’s wrong.
I think it should be illegal to marry a non emirati woman. And all marriage costs between 2 emirati families must be declared to a special govt agency, a penny over, and the family of the bride goes to jail. (Her father I mean)
I disagree with AAA, I think restriction of freedoms is fine for the better good. Lets ask the US after all. lol.
The UAE has made amazing strides in every way except culturally and socially. In these 2 areas we have not just lagged back, but are on our way to a disaster. Making it illegal for any emirati, man or woman, to marry a non emirati is a NEED right now, and should be done.
To Abood:
It is your right to disagree.
About being the only one among your “mixed marriage” friends who have not been to jail…. well, no comment!
For me, and for many other Emirati friends born to mixed marriages, we are-al7amdulelaah-very successful in our careers, and respect the laws more than anybody else.
Restricting freedom of individuals can never serve the public interest, ya Abood.
Please leave the US out of this debate,.. please!!!
UAE is unique as a country because of the “quite” liberal atmosphere and lifestyle it offers for its people. You take that away -with laws such as the ones you suggested- and we will be no different toIran or Saudi Arabia!
Again, do whatever you want, and believe in whatever you want…. but let others practice their right for the same things.
welWell, it depend , like said, it is not restricted by our religion, then why it restricted by low. Unless it had been done for a reason me and you don’t know then there is no excuse.
A reason me and you don’t know could be : to solve the population problem in UAE. (( ???????? ???????? (( or maybe for safety reason (( which I don’t think so )) or maybe for some other reason, I am just giving an example could be right or wrong or not even related. Or else it is not justified. =)
Or else maybe the Muffti see that marriage of another nationalities increasing and it is effecting the country culture and tradition which we should never lose. Example I know a local married to a British lady, she is not Muslim and he is Muslim he have a boy and a girl and they are Muslim but they don’t fast in Ramadan. They don’t pray. So maybe this is a point to be raised. Now I know not all will have the same issue, but few after few will have impact after 40 year in our tradition and culture. Am just saying MAYBE, and trying to think how other people think
I might be wrights or wrong.
Regards
UAE is unique as a country because of the “quite” liberal atmosphere and lifestyle it offers for its people. You take that away -with laws such as the ones you suggested- and we will be no different toIran or Saudi Arabia!
It is the UAE’s uniqueness that makes ACTION on such social issues a MUST now.
As for you bringing up the KSA, I think at least socially, they are in a much better place than us.
Maybe it’s my background, part emirati and part american from the SOUTH where the cowboy in me says take action 1st and lest see if things get better rather than leave things as they are.
Most mixed marriage kids suffer from social and cultural issues. They are torn. I know i was at a point. Many instances being ashamed of my mother and my whole 2nd side.
Many end up being more their mother’s culture than their fathers, simply because on average, the father is the bread winner and so isnt around alot.
Those internal conflicts themselves will lead to rebellion, confusion, hurt, pain and anger.
And as Master Yoda has said many times, those are paths to the dark side!
I think all marriages, for Emirati men and women to foreigners should be illegal.
Plus, if I can be frank, the reasons given, especially the Emirati women expect more is a scape goat for either wanting a trophy blond wife or to marry someone you got pregnant already. Thats the sad truth, maybe not the majority, but many Emirati men marry foreigners because they were fooling around with them and got them pregnant.
A girl and her family wont usually ask for too much. They will ask for what they are used to. If you are an Emirati guy of a middle class family and want to marry a girl from a lower higher class family, then they will ask for more. That will be ALOT TO YOU, but to them its NORMAL.
And I have seen many guys do this, marry “up” as they say and then end up with 900K in loans.
Emirati or not, every woman or family will ask for what they are used to. So dont be “6am3an” in her father’s money.
If your budget is 150K, then approach families who are of that same level.
Another issue I hate about the “Women ask for too much” is that in many cases its the MEN who WANT to spend alot! Because they want to SHOW OFF to their friends and family. You know this is true.
I just had to put those ideas out there because some of the excuses are sexist and untrue.
AAA, and why should you only marry within your ethnic background? If you opened that up you have a pool of thousands to choose from. That is anothe rissue with us men and our families. We have to marry the same FAMILIES or Jama3at.
Why? I know a guy, he is Al Shehhi family, who wanted to marry a girl who’s last name is Al Ali. So he is from RAK, and she is 3imiya from Dubai.
Both fathers said no. His said LA! You will NEVER marry an 3imiyya! Only an Arab and only from our Jama3a!
And her dad said oh the Shuhooh are insane and he will beat you!
A foreign wife also has hidden costs you dont think about 1st off. She will want to go back home every year or more than once a year. You will have to spend money to have her family visit the “orient.”
Plus all the negative social and cultural issues that MIGHT arise. Not saying WILL, but might.
Personally, I’d rathe rbe safe than sorry. Alhamdullillah, you, I, and many in our situations came out well, we can speak Arabic flawlessly, went thru public schools and graduated in the 90s, we went on to college, and have good careers, we know our culture and our religion, and actually surprise many with how we are, those who expected the worst from us.
But the flipside, the WHAT COULD HAPPEN is so much worse in our situation than in a full emirati house, the risk isnt worth it. And given we are already an endangered species in our own country, we dont need to endanger it anymore.
AAA, I think you and I should get on TV and talk about this. It would be a good and constructive show. Mutheer lil Jadal! lol.
I’d also like to point out that a lack of divorce doesnt automatically = good marriage.
Our religion allows divorce (unlike many) because it accepts that 2 people sometimes will try everything and still cant get along.
A divorce to me isnt a failure. Infact, knowing, after you try everything, that it isnt going to work and accepting that is a strength.
Much better than staying in a marriage that brings suffering to both sides and God forbit their children.
Dear Abood,
Thanks for continuing this constructive debate.
Well, when I talked about the tribal/ethnic/socioeconomic divisions in the UAE society, I was just describing how people -parents of girls- think, not me. I personally believe in diversity.
Allah la y’3ayyer 3aleena… The liberal environment in the UAE will remain forever, inshalla.
I don’t want to touch on your personal life, but please allow me to say that if you were ashamed of your foreign mom, as a kid, then there was a problem with your parenting, Abood. Your parents were supposed to “program” your brain to accept and even celebrate diversity. Also, your story reflects a problem in the parenting of other kids in your school -Emirati kids in general- who are unfortunately brought up by their Emirati parents to think that they are a super race!
I see a lot of negativity towards mixed marriages, in your posts. Well, I am sorry if your experience an Emirati of mixed background was less than good, but please let other people -like me- celebrate my amazing experience of being a Emirati of mixed cultural background. I know that a lot of Emiratis look down at my mixed background, but I don’t care. In fact, I never wished I were a 100% Emirati. I believe that my mixed background makes me exotic, lol, and I will not trade this with anything else.
Making mixed marriages “illegal” will not change anything. People will simply go somewhere else, and do it anyway! Aldenya waas3ah!
However, I am close enough to government circles in Abu Dhabi, to know that a call like this, to ban mixed marriages for Emiratis, will never be endorsed by the highest authorities.
Our shaikhs are smarter than this!
Yakhi, do you know that half of the new generation of young Emirati leaders in government and semi-government sectors in Abu Dhabi are products of mixed marriages? They have high IQ, they are sophisticated, and open-minded. Also, they are Emiratis at the end of the day!
Anyways, I think the “majlis” thing and the bringing up this issue by on Media at this time of the year is just a PR thing.
Well, when I talked about the tribal/ethnic/socioeconomic divisions in the UAE society, I was just describing how people -parents of girls- think, not me. I personally believe in diversity.
I agree, but would also add that it is also how the families of the guy think as well. In my example, my friend was turned down because of his ethnicity. And I have heard of guys being turned down because they mother was not Emirati. So again, lets not shift the blame to the girl and her family all together. The problems are on both sides, and the media seem reluctant to show that.
Allah la y’3ayyer 3aleena… The liberal environment in the UAE will remain forever, inshalla.
Personally I think that the UAE is TOO liberal. I would welcome many changes to make it a BIT more KSA like. At least they are not a minority in their own home. And many of their policies (such as their banking policies) help develop and nurture their local talent while making sure that control of those important parts of the economy are never controlled by outsiders. Something we have failed to do.
My parenting wasnt so much flawed as it was my father was out of the country forever and so my foreign mom tried her best. But a stranger in a strange land can only do so much.
Alhamdullillah though, by college I had begun to accept and be proud of my background, and today it is an asset. And thankfully, those who might have seen it as anything else now also see it as an asset.
Emirati kids in general- who are unfortunately brought up by their Emirati parents to think that they are a super race!
I agree. Not all, but most, yes.
Your parents were supposed to “program” your brain to accept and even celebrate diversity.
I disagree here. That sounds a bit too much like brainwashing to me. Celebrating diversity is a very good thing provided that diversity is organic. Natural. With 86% of our population migrant (not immigrants, but migrants with no claim to this country whatsoever) diversity becomes a dirty word, and rightfully so.
Making mixed marriages “illegal” will not change anything. People will simply go somewhere else, and do it anyway! Aldenya waas3ah!
I’m sorry, but I think very few Emiratis, if any, would actually leave the UAE to live elsewhere just to marry a foreigner. I would go so far as to propose stripping any Emirati of his or her citizenship if they did. Let their new spouses country take care of them. I actually would see it as an act of treason.
However, I am close enough to government circles in Abu Dhabi, to know that a call like this, to ban mixed marriages for Emiratis, will never be endorsed by the highest authorities.
I AM in those circles, via my father uncles and a few members of the FNC. I know its a very long shot, but something I’d love to see.
Our shaikhs are smarter than this!
I will not even touch that comment. If you can read the pessimism in some of my comments you know what I’m thinking.
Yakhi, do you know that half of the new generation of young Emirati leaders in government and semi-government sectors in Abu Dhabi are products of mixed marriages? They have high IQ, they are sophisticated, and open-minded. Also, they are Emiratis at the end of the day!
I do, and it’s not a good thing. We have now shaikhs and shaikhas that actually do not, in their daily lives, embody any spirit of what an Emirati is. Just because their wear pants and go out without a hijab doesnt mean they “have high IQ, they are sophisticated, and open-minded. Also, they are Emiratis at the end of the day.”
I like how… I think it was Oman, or maybe the KSA, that enacted a law making it impossible for a prince with a foreign mother to hold any top state positions.
This reminds me of how every Emirati will shout in unison “NATIONAL IDENTITY” but few will actually lead a life of an Emirati. I think it was in 2009 when ZU or the HCT had a panel and speakers on the subject. It was called Be Emirati, ACT Emirati.
We have lost of talk, but in the end girls still wear jeans under their open flowing abayas, guys still have long hair and wear caps instead of an agal, girls, not properly covering their owra go to judo matches (lol) and guys are charged with misconduct in bars.
If you want to BE something, DO it.
And I dont agree that because someone has a passport, regardless of their actions or feelings, is an Emirati.
Anyways, I think the “majlis” thing and the bringing up this issue by on Media at this time of the year is just a PR thing.
I agree. Maybe not a PR stunt, but the Mufti was sitting in a Majlis in Ramadan which isnt an official press statement and gave his OPINIONS. this wasnt a fatwa nor should it have been presented in the Media as fact or law.
But it is an opinion I do agree with.
If you have a twitter or page or blog, I’d be very interested to follow your thoughts AAA. You can find me at twitter.com/askarealemirati
Lets keep in touch. ET, thanks for letting us have this lively chat. Since this news I have had 12 or so people ask “Well, since this IS you, what do YOU think?” So its nice to find a fellow Emirati in the same boat with an opposing view. Stimulates the mind’s grey little cells. lol.
Dear Abood,
I really enjoyed learning about your perspective, which I have no choice but to respect, although I strongly disagree with parts of it.
I guess being a half Emirati is not the simple experience, and no matter what you think about it, and how you reflect on it, you are always going to have strong opinions!
I don’t have a twitter account, yet, but I have noted down your account details, and will soon get in touch with you.
Take care, and enjoy the rest of Ramadan.
A.A.A.
Emirati in Melbourne, Australia.
Hello. Interesting discussion, I must say. I’m also from mixed parents. My father is Belgian, my mother is Dutch. I think mixed marriages are a cultural enrichment. I carry the best of both cultures in me. In europe we see more and more mixed marriages and I’m sure you’ll also see them here in the future. There’s no way around it. This has to do with globalisation, a fact that we cannot escape from. My sister is going to marry a Senegalese, my uncle has married a Chinese woman. All are very happy. I think children from mixed marriages have advantages that other kids don’t have. They often speak more languages and have more insights in different cultures. I think the right of choosing a partner en gender equality equality are individual and human rights. A lot of people are very rational about this issue. What if you just fall in love? In my county we also say ‘things that are forbidden are a lot more fun’ so making something illegal can actually have the opposite effect.
Cheers
Jan
Jan…I agree with you! 100%
AAA
Emirati in Melbourne, Australia
Abood wrote:either wanting a trophy blond wife or to marry someone you got pregnant already. Thats the sad truth, maybe not the majority, but many Emirati men marry foreigners because they were fooling around with them and got them pregnant.
I disagree with you. Maybe that’s common in your circles. But that’s not what I see among the mixed couples I know. I’d say ” few” Emirati men marry foreigners because they got them pregnant. First of all majority of local men marry Muslim women from Arab countries, then Muslim women from Asia, Iran, then Western Muslim women, and very few non-Muslim women. There’s no chance for premarital sex with traditional Muslim women, their families and women themselves would not allow it. I know of men married to Omani, Yemeni, Egyptian, Albanian, Western-American, Russian, Canadian women where everything was extremely decent before the marriage- just as it would be with a local Emirati woman- families involved and no fooling around. In my own case- my wali and my husband’s eldest brother (as his father is dead) were involved in our marriage negotiations. Even two non-Muslim Russian women (the blond trophy type) I know, got pregnant much later after the marriage and their families were involved too, and now that they are married- it’s not the shameful secret marriage type- but a normal decent marriage, in both cases the husbands are successful businessmen. Assuming bad things about many mixed couples is wrong. There are a lot of noble worthy Emirati men that marry worthy foreign women, not only the irresponsible playboys that marry women of loose morals, or their illiterate maids. And even in their case, we should not assume their marriages would fail and children would commit crimes.
When you talk about many men marrying because of wanting to have a blond trophy wife- I disagree with you again. Majority of foreign wives are Arabs, Asians, Iranians with dark eyes and hair. Western wives- are minority and among them there are very few blond women. If you take Russian wives- many of them are ethnic Muslims- Tatar, Chechen, Kazakhstan, Azerbaijani etc. Not all European or American wives are blond either. A slim blue-eyed blond foreign wife is rather rare…
I hope you’ll change your mind about mixed marriages one day. I believe it’s amoral of you to deny others this right, when you are about to marry a foreign woman yourself. As if somehow you allow it to yourself because you can handle a mixed marriage better than others, that your kids would grow up to be real Emiratis and wouldn’t commit crimes, and would be educated and make you proud, while you mistrust other people, deny them same freedom and chance to try and do their best in this matter.
Foreign wives are not the real threat to culture. If fathers are irresponsible and cant be good parents- their kids will turn up bad no matter whether the wife is local or foreign. The culture is changing and will change because it has to, the country (like many other countries around the world) is open to foreign influences- through the media first of all. Ban the foreign wives/husbands, there’s still be Internet, satellite TV, radio, private English schools, American universities, studying abroad, etc.
The only thing I’m really worried about is spinsters and lonely Emirati women. They should have the right to marry foreign men too.
But if you just ban mixed marriages, the issues that led to men marrying foreigners won’t disappear- high dowries and costs of marriage, arrogant families that reject suitors or brides.
well I cannot marry my UAE partner because of his job. Whether or not we want to get married eventually is one thing, but not being allowed to is another. We might have to emigrate. This is sad as we love being in the UAE and I want to have kids here and educate them about the country which is now my home.
This seems very unfair as job should not affect anything.